Ahhh, that’s better. I had a rather uneasy feeling the other night. What was it? Oh yes, winning. It was good to be back – and how! Watching us be completely outclassed all over the pitch by a side we’d somehow gone above in midweek was like pulling on an old comfy pair of slippers. I was on much more familiar ground. That cold, dead feeling of watching a Reds team slowly, inexorably, continue on the steady decline to relegation. Remember that side containing Kevin Donovan, Mitch Ward, Chris Morgan….Bruce Dire? It has that feeling to me. A side containing a modicum of talent, certainly enough to finish outside the bottom 3, but without the nouse, the guidance, the effort, to stave off the inevitability of relegation. We probably sacked a manager that season too, to no avail.
Hull murdered us first half, and should have been at least 2 goals to the good. That they couldn’t put the ball repeatedly in the net says as much about their chances as it does ours. (Having Malik Wilks up front can’t have helped, as well as having former Reds loanee Callum Elder at left back. It didn’t matter how much space he had, he couldn’t deliver.) They went ahead with a proper comedy goal too. It was bad enough that Helik couldn’t cut out the cross (we don’t do fullbacks) but whythehell is Jasper Moon trying to score an own goal? Luckily, it hits Collins (Moon’s finishing being every bit as appalling as our forwards) and the rebound falls to Honeyman to bury. Honeyman. The former Sunderland player ran the show. When I texted a Black Cat mate, his response: ‘Honeyman…jeez, see you next year’ (and no, he doesn’t think Sunderland will go up). Earlier, Andy Devante Cole did what his father did best and missed a simple header, letting it cannon into the away end off his forehead instead of flicking it in. Well, he was as far as 5 yards out, and unmarked. What did I expect?
It’s ok though, it’s only 0-1. The stand-in coach (whose name I still don’t know, and don’t care to find out) is surely going to tear the players a new one at half-time. The players come out and it’s like the first half never ended. Yes, he hooked Cole for Big Vic, but the ‘performance’ continued. Now, I understand walking football has become a thing…but I’m not yet at the stage where I’d willingly pay money to watch it, yet that’s what I’ve done today. Every time we got the ball, we strolled about as the opposition got back into position. (Ahhh, Keith Hill, those were the days!) We DID pass the ball forward (eventually) and we DID have some slick 4 or 5 pass moves. The problem is, for us to get as far as their box takes 8 or 9 such passes….and there’s no way this team can produce 9 passes in a row to players on their side.
In contrast, Hull got the ball and broke quickly, often 3 on 3. (If we’re thinking former Reds managers, think us under Hecky.) And boy, did they miss some chances in the second half. My favourite miss wasn’t where he hit the post with the goal gaping, no, it was when a Hull player hit his own player (cheers mate!) The keeper pulled off a one on one, and an excellent reaction save, while the back 3/5/10 went AWOL. Eventually, Honeyman laid it off for another tap-in, and a second rendition from the away end of ‘how sh*t must you be, we’re winning away?’ How sh*t must WE be, I thought? If you lot were any good, we’d be down by half a dozen by now. (At this point, I must admit, the defeat was all the fault of Wadd, Molly and myself, who, pre-match, had casually chatted about the time Charlton came and hit us for 6.) Hull are a poor side, who looked at least 2 divisions above us today. I’d wager they go down with us.
Onwards and upwards!
*** No-one. I know Molly doesn’t agree with chucking the bathwater out with the baby (or is it the other way around?) when we lose, but pur-lease. In a season full of dismal displays, this was a new nadir.
** Styles. Came on and ran around. (Ran!) Also, had a shot on target within 2 minutes of coming on, which possibly equalled the entire team’s total for the match. (Brittain had a shot on target, more of him later.)
* Collins. I’ll absolve the keeper from the criticism. Made a great save from Moon, as well as those 2nd half efforts.
Official MOTM: Do we have a new tradition whereby we don’t name a MOTM when we’re getting beat? (Molly – write to the club!
Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Collins 2. Styles 3. No-one
Despatches:
At half-time I got a call from one of my dad’s carers. His catheter was leaking, so I had to call the district nurse and organise to get it sorted. If I said that was the highlight of my match, does that give you a flavour of what you missed?
At least ‘Praise or Grumble’ on Radio Sheffield offered some solace. I think it was a ‘Grumble’ special, with a whole host of Blunts queuing up to slate their team – you know, the one that gave us a spanking not a fortnight ago?
The players? Obvs, they were all s***, save for the couple mentioned. So I’ll reserve my ire for just the 2 of them. First up, Callum Brittain. A right wing back who can’t cross, shoot or defend, yet is undroppable. Did he blaze 1 shot into the Ponty today, or 2? 1 cross into the Ponty or 2? He should be fined every time he tries a shot, cos all it’s doing is ceding possession. Meantime, someone I wish WOULD have a shot is Cauley Woodrow, but you know the drill by now. No pace, seemingly no anticipation, no sense of where the goal is, or how to find space in the final third. Without the ability to outjump a defender as well, how is he ever going to score in open play? Undroppable.
I hear Colin Wan*er has suddenly become available after leaving Boro. I’d take him like a shot, if we’re to give ourselves a shot at staying up. Or b) let’s get a cheap foreign coach and start getting ready for life in division 3. ‘It’s like de ja vous all over again’ as Shaka Hislop once said.
Drink du jour: Yorkshire Pale Ale. Like most things from Yorkshire, it was a bit average. (We were in the Jolly Boys, AKA the Arcade Alehouse.)
Away: 1,553
Matches played in front of a Main Stand safe enough for journalists/directors/non-playing players etc, but not safe enough for fans: 3
The Damage:
c. £35 petrol
£3 programme
£10 scarf
£8 mug (and I don’t mean Cauley Woodrow)
= c. £56
The Tunes:
Huey Morgan / Craig Charles’ Funk and Soul Show (BBC6 Music)
Praise or Grumble (Radio Sheffield)
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