Coach Conor’s selection shuffle this week has Cotter in, playing left midfield. Of course he is. And he’s probably our most dangerous player, as he curls in two magnificent crosses for nobody to get on the end of, as well as smashing one off the post towards half-time, and skewing another one wide, off balance. Still, he has to cut inside for said crosses, cos GUESS WHAT? He’s right footed. We can’t utilise his pace and get him to whip a ball in with his left foot COS HE CAN’T. 2nd half, he plays down our right, so anyway, I can’t complain, we had a whole Bazza in front of us on the east side this match (we attacked the Ponty 1st half).
Was it a back 4, 1st half? Bland, Roberts, MdG and Earl. Where was Lambrusco playing? Floating around Bland, somewhere. Connell retained his place, as the lynchpin of the side (of course he did) with Phillips, DKD and Russell floating around in attack. We have an early let-off, as the Shrews have one chalked off for offside. A backpost tap-in, the scorer had no excuse, he could see all along the line. Careless. I think they go ahead while I’m still enjoying this failure.
Earl is outthought and outfought as he allows a crossfield ball to find their winger, who, sensing Earl is too close, knocks it past him, runs onto it (via a half-hearted tussle) before laying it across goal for another simple tap-in. It is so EASY. Why don’t we do what every other defender in the land does, and simply obstruct the runner? Didn’t Earl concede the same goal at Stockport? Is he simply incapable of turning and running? (That’s rhetorical, don’t bother riling me with a reply.) ‘How s*** must you be, we’re winning away’ is the chant from the away end. Very.
Our best chance meantime falls to Roberts, somewhere around the penalty spot and he carefully sidefoots it over the bar. Cotter also has a penalty appeal turned down, as is tradition. Was he caught? Did he dive? Does he fall over wrongly? I don’t know. I know HE thought it was a pen. He’d certainly skinned their player. And then there was the rasper from Connell, expertly tipped over by the goalkeeper for a goalkick. (Everyone in the ground bar the ref saw the save. Oh well.)
Another stern half-time talking to brings the Reds out...exactly the same. Is this a friendly? I expect more from the Gleeson Homes v Shropshire Homes rivalry (the shirt sponsors, if you weren’t there, and, let’s be honest, not many of you were). Max Watters has come on for Lambrini. Excellent! We were missing someone useless up front. The Hapless One manages to head a ball BACKWARDS from a 3 yards out open goal (trying to snap up a rebound after a Phillips shot). He’s not crap, he’s just a very naughty boy.
Gauci manages a wonder save from a corner before the worst team in the division go two goals up. (I mean Shrewsbury, not us, although...) We thought we’d cleared the corner (we had!) but they regain possession on the halfway line and one of them Shrews (difficult to see, bearing in mind their size) has the temerity to make a run behind Roberts, who’s obviously still congratulating himself on the defensive header. The Nocturnal One (shrews are norturnal, right? Otherwise this doesn’t work) runs onto it and has the simple task of squaring it for another tap-in. Have a look at the TV replay – Roberts simply has NO CLUE about the run-in behind him.
And there it is, game over, season over, but 23 more minutes to endure. (Please don’t add any injury time.) Russell tries to make it interesting, coolly slotting in a scramble, but it’s too little, too late. The ref adds 4 mins at the end, enough time for sub Nwakali to drag one wide. After that, I’m off. Technically, before the final whistle (tho it’s due). I just can’t be there to witness whatever doesn’t come next. No pitch invasion, (I heard), an 85th minute PA warning telling us we’d get be prosecuted altered a minute later to say ‘probably.’ If I was in the lower tier, I’d have been tempted to test them. What is there to lose?
Onwards and upwards!
*** Cotter. Got forward, hit the post, delivered at least 2 peachy crosses into the box (nobody there), and had possibly the worst shot this season (a 25 yarder skewed high and wide into the away end.*
** Russell. Like DKD, looks better the more the team gets worse.
* DKD. Not one, not two, but THREE dummies. To go with the other 10 in our team. (Problem with DKD dummying it for another Red is that the ball goes to another Red, rather than DKD. He hasn’t thought this one through.)
*is it the away end if there’s no away fans there? (The Shrews were the other side of the netting.)
Official MOTM: Bland.
Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Cotter 2= Bland / Russell
Despatches:
In a clear case of nominative determinism, Bland had a particularly dull game (so he was named MOTM, to mystified reaction from the East Upper). With nothing better to do, I spent the second half particularly eagle-eyeing our latest right back. I think he spent the entire 45 on the halfway line, receiving a ball, being faced down by a member of the opposition, then squaring it 8 yards or backwards to a free Red. Never once taking a risk, never once going forward. Yet even some Londontykes felt him worthy of a top 3 position. Did we also not concede 2 (couda been more) against the WORST side in the division? What was I missing? No, seriously, what was I missing?
Maybe I’m just in a bad mood. Terrible match, lacklustre season. Roberts and Hourihane were both interviewed on Radio Sheffield and mentioned the ‘E’ word. I’d add an ‘S’ word (not that one). Shambles. We entered January in the top 4 needing to strengthen up front. Any centre forward would do – he’d have to be better than Max Watters. We got Clement Rodrigues. The defence? Nobody commands the area, let alone organises the others into a cohesive unit. Isn’t that why we got Roberts back? Bit of experience? Meantime, we replace Cadden with a Gent and the lesson costs us 200k and makes us WORSE on the left. Other losses include Herbie Kane (replaced by the equally immobile Connell, who himself is replace further up by Russell, one of the few success stories.) Some might also argue we missed Devante Cole up front. Did he score 1 or 2 after January last season? (It’s still 1 or 2, by the way, arf arf.) No, our main problem is players who were here last season have underachieved. Phillips, MdG, O’Keeffe, Connell...etc etc. You know it’s bad when our main source of entertainment (and not in an ironic way) is Barry Cotter. And thank goodness for DKD. It was nice of him to pop in this season on the way to somewhere better. Good luck, Davis. Or is it Keilor!?
Oh, and it’s 28 years to the day that we celebrated promotion to the Prem. ’We’re so far away from that, it’s untrue’. Hourihane got that right, at least.
Drink du jour: North Atlantis session IPA in Spiral. Very nice.
Away: 379 (today’s ‘pretendance’ – thanks Kieron Maguire on ‘The Price of Football - 11,159). Well done for the turnout, though to those chanting ‘Barnsley’s a sh*thole, I wanna go home’ I’ve good news: you won’t have to come next season, you’re in a different division.
The Damage:
c.£7 petrol
£4 prog
= £11
*Still not feeling great, I’d planned on getting the train in. Engineering works meant rail replacements and, not feeling well, the last thing I needed was rail replacement buses.
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