Yes, it’s thrill a minute. Ride the back 4 rollercoaster! Which one though? Is it ‘Nemesis’ you fancy (any opposing forward)? Or ‘Oblivion’ (where we’re headed)? Or ‘The Big One’ (which defensive error tops the rest)? It’s getting ridiculous now. We’re beyond experimentation, though here’s a thought, Conor: play MdG centre half instead of ANY of the clowns you keep picking. At least he can control a ball, read a game, look up, bring it into space. Admittedly, he’s not perfect either (not dominating enough, but neither are the 2 centre backs he loves picking). You cannot, you simply CANNOT keep picking Shepherd. Or Roberts. Or Shepherd and Roberts. Individually, they are the worst centre halves in the division, collectively they are the worst partnership I have ever seen for the Super Reds. (Admittedly, this is only 46 years, but I have it on good terms that even in division 4 our centre halves weren’t this bad. We had Eric Winstanley and Pat Howard FFS.)
It’s just not funny anymore. And anyone who says ‘well, it’s not Conor’s fault, it’s what he’s been lumbered with’...he’s still picking Shepherd over others, and one (alleged) centre half he brought in – Jake Rooney – was so bad he couldn’t get a game and is now on loan at National League North Boston United (conceding 3 at Scunthorpe on Satdy, though he did score 2 himself). Last time we scored and conceded at will was under Bassett. Long ball, defences stretched, 4 on 4 everytime either side got the ball, Chettle centre half. Seems like halcyon days now, a mere 67 conceded in the league (80 odd scored – we had Hignett). I know he’s now brought another bloke in, O’Connell (not to be mixed up with Brendan, or that crap midfielder Conor persists with). He looks the best centre half we’ve got, so he’s on the bench today. Brilliant.
Back to the plot. We’re 2-0 up against a middling 3rd division side. A harmless looking cross comes in. Roberts GAWPS at it while some pesky forward STANDS MOTIONLESS and still gets in front of Roberts, backpeddling like the clumsy oaf he is. WHY DOES HE GET PICKED? Apart from a month last season he has continually been embarrassed and embarrassing. He should be put out to grass with Shanks’ pony. (And nobody can say I haven’t been consistent in my opinion about him. He is absolute rubbish. Part of the problem – apart from HIM – is that teams don’t simply hoof balls up to the centre forward anymore, so he’s redundant apart from when he’s needed.) Mind, it’s not his fault Coach Conor has him trying to control balls and passing it out. That’s on the coach, not his donkey.
The equalizer is a good old fashioned team effort. Tennai Watson (right back at left back...who’s to blame for THAT!?) backs off and backs off, allowing their attacker to skew a shot across face of goal for the centre forward to head in from 6 yards IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GOAL. Say what you like about how the ball went there, it’s INBETWEEN Shepherd and Roberts, the worst centre back pairing of all-time. The WOAT. The absolute WOAT. We’re not even half an hour in and we’ve relinquished a two goal lead. That’s pretty exceptional, even for us. (We’d gone two up with tap-ins for 38 year old McG and and the young stripling of 33, Bradshaw, making his latest home debut.) Two bits of magic from Cleary before he went AWOL*.
*I realised the other day that whether you have permission or not to go somewhere, they’re both ‘AWOL’ (with/without). Fancy!
Coach Conor rings the changes at half time on the hour, game going nowhere. What it needs is the GOAT bringing on, for Bradshaw. How comes the GOAT can’t get a game? (I can tell you. Cos he doesn’t do anything.) Oh, he gets booked. And he did again, for the 9th time in the league this season. Does he get games out for 10? Hope so! An unnamed Londontyke claims Bland’s yellow is unlucky. What? Unlucky the ref knows the rules? He ran in front of the ball as their guy was taking a free kick. (Bland is now the 4th most ill-disciplined player in the 3rd division – Connell and Shepherd are also in the Top 10) and it doesn’t even take in to account his red card in a cup game.
Phillips is also on, for Cleary. How can Phillips not get a game for a side this average? I’ll be generous and put it down to Coach Conor going all out attack, 2 centre forwards and 2 wingers. (It’ll never catch on.) The changes have an effect too. Wimbledon go 3-2 up, another bit of comical defending from Shepherd. I’ve seen this before this season too (Mansfield home?) The ball is clipped forward and their player knocks it past Shepherd, who is still moving forward as the ball is past him. He is simply unable to turn. At least this time said attacker doesn’t score, instead squaring it for the open goal (as Yoganathan didn’t do the other week when drilling it wide.)
We’re now staring down the barrel at defeat. Fans are heading for the exits. One final gamble. Take Roberts off, put O’Connell on. At least he can carry a ball 20 or 30 yards forward without tripping over. And it works. I think by now we’ve gone to a flat back 2 (O’Connell, Shepherd) and everyone else is up the pitch. O’Keeffe drives in, lays it to McG (I’m still not having any of that ’Didzy’, he’s not my mate) who shoots. The keeper saves, but here he comes...here he comes...loanee Banks follows up to score. That’s one decent signing Conor / the board has made. But do we get him for keeps? (Not if his agent is worth his salt.)
Happy Valentine’s Day! Love you!
Onwards and upwards!
*** McGoldrick. A 38 year old showing others how to run around.
** Banks. Made some great moves, got crosses in, and scored.
* O’Keeffe. As long as he’s not being asked to defend (and he obviously isn’t) he’s not bad. Lots of energy, wants to drive forward.
Official MOTM: McGoldrick
Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. McGoldrick 2. Banks 3. O’Keeffe
Despatches:
I thought POTY Kelly had a quiet game, though he made one lung busting run late on, 40 yards, and STILL had the wherewithawal to lay it off to McG. (Note: I think he was held back by Coach Conor. Someone had to stand next to Connell on the halfway line, with the GOAT benched.)
Keeper Goodman didn’t make any mistakes, while simultaneously not getting anywhere near their goals. I didn’t notice Watson beyond their opener, but (here we go again) right back IS not the same as left back. Who are these managers who think otherwise?
Shepherd this week admitted to being ‘embarrassed’ at being part of a Reds defence conceding so many goals. It didn’t help though, did it? Listen, Jack, no need to be embarrassed. The embarrassment is on the coach. It’s not your fault he picks you. You’re simply not up to the level and no amount of coaching can change that. Fair enough. It baffles the hell out of me that Coach Conor thinks you’re a better addition to the defence than MdG, but I have to think he believes it. His job depends on it. And who’s to argue? I am. We’re about to have the highest number of goals against in the division, and he’s picked you 27 games in 28. It is axiomatic that we will concede goals while Shepherd is one of the centre halves. (And, yes, I’ve learnt a new word this week, while watching the Winter Olympics of all things. I think it was one of that mad pair who commentate on the snowboarding. They’re great.) We’ve conceded 96 goals in Coach Conor’s 48 matches. (Credit to the pair of Twitter accounts I read these 2 facts.) They look and sound right, but I’ve got better things to do than double check. Like breathe. Roberts? We didn’t even get one of his long throws to the opposition.
Connell’s main contribution appeared to be in rivalling O’Keeffe for who could take a worse deadball. You’d think Coach Conor, who COULD deliver a ball, must be tearing his hair out, but no, he keeps going with these 2. If it’s on the right, let Connell take it, and vice versa. There MUST be someone on the pitch who can kick a football from still? Must be. Still, nice catching practice for whoever’s in goal.
Cleary and Bradshaw both disappeared after 10 minutes (though I’m not sure Bradshaw ever appeared). Still, at least the latter knows where the goal is. I know it was only a tap-in, but with a supply, he’ll score. As for Cleary, sets up two but otherwise looked like he needed a break. Give him a week off (at least) and play that ex-Darlo and Boro winger we’ve just signed.
The atmosphere? 2 nil up and all I could hear was the dull thud of a drum. We used to have nobody chanting. Now we have no-one chanting while a drum beats. Progress. (It didn’t last, the little drummer boy going missing between about the 10th and 80th minutes. Where did he go? What did he do?)
That was the worst three-all draw I’ve ever seen.
Drink du jour: Beartown Inception in Spiral City.
Away: 472 (9,640).
The Damage:
c.£7 petrol
= c.£7
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