Tuesday, 1 September 2026

Curzon Ashton 2-0 Ashton United, Monday 31st August 2026

*** currently unable to add photos. If i knew why, I'd do it!

Curzon Ashton 2-0 Ashton United, Northern Premier League Premier Division, Tameside Stadium, att. 705

I’ve received a text from one of my neighbours, John. It’s the Ashton derby on Bank Holiday Monday. Do I fancy it? John’s not even a football fan, but he’s keen to support our new neighbour, Aidan, who’s only the goalkeeper of Curzon Ashton! We’d talked previously of going to see him/them, but I was away when they played at one of our local teams Emley. My only problem is I’m missing out on my 2nd team Darlington playing at Radcliffe, but whatthehell. I’m in. We also rope in Dan, who’s the meat in John and I’s house sandwich.

I offer to drive, but I feel I’m impinging on John’s alpha status and I happily accede to his offer to be the chauffeur. It’s not often I ride in a BMW. It’s about 25 minutes to Ashton, but then probably another 25 minutes getting to the bit of Ashton where Curzon play, notwithstanding a road closure. I have a horrible feeling the car park will be full by the time we pull up, but I’ve never seen so many spaces in it. I guess the sports facility that’s usually teeming is strangely under-utilised today, because the attendance at the match is nearly double what I’m used to here. There’s actually a queue at the turnstile. John is unfortunately blind-sided by a 14 quid entry. ‘I thought it’d be about a fiver.’

We go in the home end. I’ve never seen the Tameside Stadium segregated before, but the large roofed terrace opposite the main stand has been given over to Ashton United today. We decide we’ll stand behind this near goal, in order to give Aidan our ‘support’. But what’s this? There was a roof here last time, albeit one cobbled together with scaffolding. Where’s it gone? And the huge scoreboard on the corner. That’s disappeared too. Cost-cutting with relegation? Let’s hope it doesn’t rain. (It does. At one point, it chucks it down.)

We haven’t told Aidan we’re coming, but I think he hears me when United get a corner and I announce ‘this keeper’s susceptible!’. I’m not sure he gets barracked with ‘susceptible’ much. Or it could be that my accent stands out and he recognises it. Either way, he deals with any cross or throughball to perfection, while his only challenge 1st half is to control a bouncing backpass. United are strangely not up to much.

With hindsight, the game is decided as early as the 3rd minute when Brad Holmes shoots home. He doubles the lead just after the half hour mark and it really is easy for the home side. Ashton’s followers take solace in chanting ‘we’ve got more fans than you’, which, although probably true in general, isn’t quite the case today amongst the 705 in attendance.

Half-time comes and the lads are hungry, so they go under the main stand to scout some scran, while I queue up at the social club for more beer. This is as close to ‘proper football’ as we get today, as it takes both parties till the second half has begun to be served. I can’t help but think there’s inefficiencies in the drinks’ service. Why doesn’t one staff member just stand there pouring pints while the other serves? Or even (radical thought) get a 3rd member of staff in there? This is a derby, you’d think they’d be warned. In the food queue, burgers and pies run out by the time John and Dan reach the front and they take what’s left: chips covered in curry sauce. Still, it’s something.

We plan to go to the far end this time, another open terrace, but it’s not immediately clear how we get there. Probably why there’s only about half a dozen at this end. I tell the lads to ‘follow me’ as I guide us up the stand, along the back, and down again. Yes, there’s a way through. This time, there’s no mistaking us and in a break of play Aidan comes over, says hi and thanks us for coming. Thank YOU.

At least this half, he’s forced to make a save, as he races out to block a close range effort. Otherwise, the main ‘action’ is a United player crashing into the perimeter fence and (we think) breaking his wrist. It doesn’t look good, and play is held up for 5 minutes. Still, it’s not often I chat with a player during a game.

Otherwise, the half is fairly devoid of action. Curzon look happy to see it out, while United look incapable of making a game of it. Before kick-off, Ashton were slightly ahead, having made a better start to the season, but this win sees Curzon overtake them. The home side have ambitions of challenging for promotion and after a statement 3-1 win at league leaders Cleethorpes on the previous Friday, are looking good. Onwards and upwards! Good luck Aidan!

The Damage:
£14 ent
£16.30 2 pints of Staropramen and a Worthingtons
= £30.30

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