Yes, we have a new centre forward, a French bloke we got from Bastia in Cyprus. Given our erstwhile Bastia correspondent A. Jones esq knows nowt about him, our hopes are suitably low. And he didn’t disappoint, barely getting a touch 1st half and being hauled at half-time. (Still, so was MdG on his debut and he’s turned out half decent.) I think the half time stats had us down as ONE touch in their box in that opening half. Needless to say, that touch wasn’t a goal, or a shot, or anything really. DKD may also have curled a shot wide, or I may be imagining that.
Fortunately, we were at the end Stockport were attacking, so we saw plenty of the ball. One hoof over the top sees resident carthorse/oil tanker Donovan Pines turn on a sixpence (yeah, right) and strain towards his own goal while their forward gives chase. As they reach the edge of the area, Pines falls down trying to make the challenge, leaving Olaofe (Yes, I’ve just looked it up) clean through to bury it. In another plot twist you couldn’t make up outside of Oakwell, he’s the bloke we would’ve signed on loan 2 years back, were the powers-that-be able to send a fax on time. Unbelievable.
That’s on the half hour and the game is effectively over 4 mins later when Earl dangles a leg in the area as their bloke takes a pass and cuts in. Penalty. Honestly, who trains these defenders? Oh, I hadn’t mentioned. Clarke has decided to go to a flat back 4, having heard my moaning about 3 centre halves not being able to do what 2 used to do, he’s gone to two, Pines and MdG, with Earl left back and O’Keefe right. This allowed us to cram in all those quality midfielders we think we’ve got...Nwakali, Connell, Russell, DKD and Phillips...so they could get utterly BOSSED by Stockport. That first half was as bad as could be and NO-ONE came out of it without criticism.
Another legendary talking to from Clarke at half-time and Rodrigues (yes, I’ve just looked him up an’ all) is pulled and Farrugia is put on. Where’s he gonna play, then? CENTRE FORWARD. But of course he is! Why wouldn’t you? He spent the half making the right runs, but starved of supply, so probably had even fewer touches than the French bloke. But I suppose he occupied a space, allowing our other exciting players to get on the ball. Was that what happened? Beer clouds my judgement, but I don’t remember a vast improvement till another loanee, Lembikisa came on. (Yeah, yeah, I’ve just had to look up his name. Anyway, the bloke with dreads. Love dreads. At least if we’re gonna be rubbish, play Lembikisa and I can at least have man-envy over his hair.) Anyway, he came on and made a few promising runs down the right.
And we had a couple of chances. Russell heads it down and the keeper makes a great diving save. Not long after, Russell gets his head to a corner. Straight at the keeper. But at least he’s getting in there and they're on target. DKD is making himself known and buzzes around the box impressively. Finally, in injury time, the two combine to pull a goal back. DKD shows what composure is by PASSING the ball into the net, via the far post. I hope Watters was watching. Time stood still as Russell rolled the ball to DKD. I believe that’s 11 goals this season. That’s just about one goal for every place we are in this league. (I hear we’re 10th, but I refuse to look at the table when we lose. Which we’ve been doing a lot of, of late.)
Onwards and upwards!
*** DKD. He’s not quite reached Tina Turner levels, but he’s certainly ‘better than all the rest’.
** Russell. Came close to scoring (twice).
* Lembikisi. Nice hair.
Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. DKD 2. Phillips 3= Russell / No-one
Despatches:
Did I imagine it or was Luca Connell playing left wing back part of the game? I’m hoping it was some alcohol-induced hallucination. Isn’t Farrugia a left wing back? Why not put him there, and Connell centre forward!? Actually, let’s not play anybody in their proper positions. Donovan Pines right wing. Gauci defensive mid. Earl in goal. We can’t do much worse.
As Andy alluded to, the atmosphere in the away end was terrible. If it wasn’t a deafening wall of silence, it was ‘sack the board, sack the board.’ Who’s going to sack the board? The board? Let’s start with sacking whoever’s in charge of recruitment…that bloke from Huddersfield with the Eastern European name. Pep Guardiola couldn’t turn some of these ‘rough diamonds’ into footballers; Clarke certainly can’t. In the Chron, he claimed ‘What Darrell felt we needed was a guy who could stretch the game, was physically really good, could get in behind and play as a bit of a target man’. So I bought him this Frenchman. Note: Clarke didn’t ask for someone who could score goals. So recruitment bloke gets to claim he’s done his job. (Note II: the French bloke did not stretch the game, wasn’t physically anything, couldn’t get behind and most definitely wasn’t a target man. But hey, it’s only 45 minutes in.)
As for Clarke, it's always the manager (coach) who gets it for the results. In which case, he's got 2 more matches or the board sack him for the predicament they've put him in. We are doomed, captain, doomed.
Drink du jour: Northern Monk Faith on the train; Stella in Our Lady’s Catholic social club (Andy and I got ourselves adopted by a County fan, Paula); Kronenburg at the Crown (‘this real ale thing’s going well, Andy’)...Rustic Pale dry wheat ale at Runaway, Green Arches Greenhouse hazy pale in the Petersgate Tap and finishing on Deleriums Tremens and Lumina Siren IPA in The Cracked Actor, where we got chatting on to a divorced cross dresser and his mate (also divorced). Personally, I’m looking forward to visiting Stockport again next season!
Away: 1,300 (sellout).
The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
£20 train
£25 ent
= c.£53
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