BFC 2-0 Bristol City, Tuesday 15th March 2022

‘WE ARE STAYING UP, WE ARE STAYING UP!’

WHAT IS HAPPENING? From being dead and buried a month ago, we’ve now given ourselves a CHANCE. Correction, from being dead and buried a month ago, loanees Quina and Bassi have given us a CHANCE! Tonite, both have starring roles in the capitulation of a disinterested City side with nought to play for, with the goals coming from Bassi corners and the attacks coming from Quina’s boots. Can a Watford reserve player be my favourite Red?

I wasn’t with my usual matchday companion today, so fancied a change. With the current ownership, who knows when the historic Main (West) Stand will be closed or pulled down, so I got to Oakwell early enough to swap my East Stand ticket for a pew opposite. I love the West Stand. The darkness, the low roof, the aging wood, the pillars. The latter, perfect in seasons where we’re not doing so well, turn out to be a right pain in the derriere when you DO actually want to see the game. Where did that defender appear from? How did that player beat that opponent? Surely that bloke’s offside? Hang on, who’s that over there? Yes, I enjoyed the novelty, but I wouldn’t want to do it over a season. Nevermind that in the first half, as I sat on the back row, you can’t see the ball if it’s far enough in the air. God knows what a season under Big Val would have looked like from here.

Any pre-match nerves were quickly dispelled. 10 minutes in and Shirley whips in a corner at the away end, panic ensues and Morris prods it home from 3 yards. Having seen it on replay, you see Helik running in at the front post causing the defender(s) to miss it, the ball bounces, Wolfe heads goalwards and Morris is there. A little over 10 minutes later and it’s two. This time the corner works ‘properly’ as Helik gets across his man to flick it home. Reward for the City fans who had the referee insist on Shirley taking it from the correct place, forcing him to move it 2 inches back. (They were right, by the way.) Incredibly, it’s Helik’s first goal of the season, having notched half a dozen last year. There’s a raft of reasons for this, but I’d say the main 2 have been the lack of a quality ball in, and deserting last’s season’s successful tactic of crowding the keeper. Only BFC would give up a successful strategy.

And there it was, 2-0, game over. I’m not sure we really came close again, though Quina skinned the fullback enough times for someone (anyone) to show for him, but I mustn’t grumble. Even Asbaghi’s usual ‘sending on the subs to protect what we’ve got’ failed to rouse City; not that we weren’t worried…Cole on for Morris and Kitching for Styles, with 20 left to play. Indeed, we had Kitching to thank for keeping them goalless, as he headed one off the line in injury time. Whisper it, but we may not come bottom. (I’m not going to get carried away with thoughts of staying up…yet.)

Onwards and upwards!

*** Quina. Took the game to City. He gets the ball, they retreat…and retreat…he beats one man and we’re in their box.
** Morris. The effort, the strength, the tenacity…the fact he can actually keep hold of a ball under pressure. And scored.
* Wolfe. I’m liking him more and more. As well as setting up the opener, my favourite bit was 1st half, when he picked the ball up on the edge of our box, and carried it (at pace!) to the halfway line.

Official MOTM: Quina

Londontykes’ MOTM: TBA

Despatches:
Another good game from Gomes. The Gomes-Wolfe defensive axis in the 4-2-3-1 is what allows Quina and Bassi to play. Styles had a funny game. Constantly outmuscled, but did drive at the opposition. Often sent tumbling at speed but never gets the free kicks in the way that, say, Garther Bale used to for less. Brittain looked back on his game while Helik and Mads were barely troubled, Collins in goal even less so. Vita was also back to being a left wing back after his stint on the right wing. How’s he ever gonna develop if we mess him about like that?

In City’s ranks were former Reds Matty James and Joe Williams. Remember Joe Williams? Midfielder, on loan from Everton. I maintain he is one of the nest players I have EVER seen for the Reds out of possession. He couldn’t half win a ball, but would then give it straight back to the opposition, often on the edge of our own box. Anyway, he came on as sub with 5 mins of the 1st half left and looked like Glenn Hoddle, spraying passes all over the pitch and now losing it. I never noticed him 2nd half, but maybe that’s cos he went off after 55 minutes!

Back to the Main Stand, and I can see why Farnham likes it here. I’m half a dozen seats from Cauley Woodrow, who may or may not be doing something for local radio. I’m even fewer from a couple of other blokes, who say thanks on their way out as I make room for them. Why, it’s Blunts manager (and Reds legend) Paul Heckingbottom, plus one. What will he have made of events, given we play them Satdy? ‘Deal with Quina and everything else will drop into place’? (Does he realise Quina is a different – less effective - player away?) It must have been a night for spotting minor celebs; I also passed former Reds legend 3rd division midfield player Alex Neil (now Sunderland manager) coming out of the toilets at Wetherby services.

Irregulars will be pleased to note the West Stand bogs still retains pride of place, a lick of red paint and a roof notwithstanding, though whothehell places a hand dryer above a wall people urinate on? It was good to hear another fine recent tradition continued too, as there were a couple of boos for the players taking a knee, before crowd applause drowned it out. This Black Lives Matter stuff is all a Marxist conspiracy, you know that, right? Still, it was a surprise to me. I didn’t realise the players still took the knee, given I’m rarely in the ground at this point.

Thinking of my dad, and how we always used to drive home through Leeds, I did same in his memory. I miss passing Tetley’s, the West Yorkshire Playhouse, crossing the River Aire and driving past those lines of terraces north of the city centre. R.I.P. dad.

I smiled all the way home.

Drink du jour: Another expensive flat white in Wetherby service station.

Away: 279. Let’s just say well done to those who came, rather than poke fun at a big city club bringing less than 300 for a second tier fixture.

Minutes on the pitch for Palmer or Benson: 0.

The Damage:
c. £35 petrol
£3 programme= c. £38

The Tunes:
Whirlpool (Chapterhouse)
The Back Room (Editors)
BBC5live – 25 minutes of whining on about Man Utd losing to Athletico Madrid in the Chumps League, followed by 4 minutes round-up of everything else. Bliss!
Blissed Out (Beloved)

BFC 1-1 Fulham, Saturday 12th March 2022

‘Palmer. That f***er can’t even f***ing stand up, the f***er.’

Is there anything better than watching your favourite player score an equaliser late in a crucial game? Why, yes, YES THERE IS – seeing your least favourite players combine to help gift the opposition an equaliser in a game we seemed destined to win against the odds. Go Palmer! Go Benson! No, seriously, IN THE NAME OF GOD, GO! Coach Asbaghi must have read my last report, bemoaning how I missed being angry for 90 minutes watching this pair of unmentionables strut their stuff on the hallowed Oakwell turf. So with 10 minutes left, ‘just for sh*ts and giggles’ Asbaghi said later*, he put Benson on to join his mate (subbed on after 68) to see the game out against a Fulham side who’d barely threatened Collins all day. You know what happens next…

*not really. But if I put this onto the world wide web, I s’pose I’d better cover myself.

A ball drops in midfield and Cheech and Chong, up against 2 opponents, somehow find themselves the wrong side of the ball. We are now wide open, a pass to their right sees multi-million pounds signing Harry Wilson cut inside and do the inevitable, the inevitable being watching a super talented left-footed player curl a beautiful finish into the far top corner from 20 yards. Resistance broken, Wilson later went on to miss one of the easiest chances I’ve ever seen, heading wide under no pressure with an open goal. So, small mercies for the point.

Rewinding slightly though...if I’m not going to blame Palmer and Benson, or Asbaghi, the fault for Fulham’s equaliser lay with another recent target for blame…Callum Brittain. If he’d been where he should have been in the first half, as we looked to break, Matty Wolfe wouldn’t have been caught in possession, leading to a yellow for scything down his opponent. Wolfe gains possession, looks wide for Brittain….who’s 20 yards behind him, more worried about his opponent though we have the ball. Without that yellow, there’s no way Palmer comes on after 68…is there? Of course, that doesn’t explain why Asbaghi has put Benson on for Bassi. Except that he found putting Cole on for Bassi (midweek) leads to an equaliser for the opposition. Listen, Bassi might have been TIRED, but he’s also CLEVER. Cleverer than anything else in a red shirt. He’ll give Fulham something to think about, beyond ‘BRILLIANT! Barnsley have given up! They’ve sent on a centre midfield who have consistently, and without fail, failed this season.' The slowest, least creative, least physical, least anything, we could possibly put on that pitch. How bad must Hondermarck be? Despite a couple of promising cameos, he’s still passed over for this pair of pr*cks.

Sorry, I was meant to be POSITIVE. We were great. We really were. Fulham, top of the league and with players that cost more than our entire team, struggled to gain any momentum. And we didn’t sit back. No, we pressed high, won the ball, and invariably found our own players (till Palmer came on, blah blah). And we took the lead, as Morris outmuscled a defender (Tosin?) and powered his way into the box for a penalty. It looked iffy at the time. Were his legs taken? Was he pulled back (he certainly was outside the box)? No, he’d simply slipped. No matter. A very generous ref, having taken oodles of time to think about it, pointed to the spot. 1-0, as Morris blasts it in. This is the 44th minute, and yet we still had time to nearly score a second, as Morris chests a ball too far, but lifts it over the keeper….towards the net….but cleared off the line. A superb effort from Morris, though I couldn’t help but think if he’d left it, Vita was in a better position.

Second half…it was more of the same, wasn’t it? Helik winning everything against Mitrovic, Gomes cleaning up in midfield, and Vita scampering about annoying anything and everything. (Think of a midgety Chris Dagnall. Or indeed, Chris Dagnall.) We couldn’t even rely on time-wasting, either, as the ref booked Morris for sprinting 20 yards to prevent a quick free kick. I know, I know, this is a pet peeve, but I applaud any ref who clamps down on this ‘game management’. If only refs knew they’re allowed to pull up OPPOSITION players for this, too. Mind, he was kept busy enough with Fulham’s continual attempts to take free kicks from the incorrect place, trying to steal yards here, there and everywhere. If you do this with a throw-in, (in theory) possession is ceded. But in the world of free kicks, Fulham just get to take it from the proper place.

Then Palmer came on. Then Benson came on. Then we got relegated.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Helik. Tonight, Matthew, I’ll keep the Championship record goalscorer quiet. And clear 2 off the line / as near as makes no difference.
** Andersen. Why not? Centre halves come in partnerships, and these two make a great partnership. Come see them while you can!
* Gomes. I thought he was tremendous, especially 1st half. The unsung cog in our bargain bicycle chain.

Official MOTM: Vita. Obviously made an impression running around out of position.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Helik 2. Andersen 3. Vita

Despatches:
I made someone laugh on Satdy. I know – imagine! I was leaving Oakwell and just chatting to a face I know. ‘Oh yes’ I said, ‘I nearly forgot….my dad died this week.’ A bloke alongside chortled nervously, his mind blown. But that’s the power of football. The power of Romal Palmer. It can take your mind off some of the other things in life, like life.

I’m not a vindictive person (yes I am) but that Palmer bloke needs to start worrying about life too, his contract’s up in the summer. The biggest smile I saw all day was from Jonesy when I told him this news in the pub, post-match. It’s nice to be the bearer of good tidings. (What’s the odds we give him a new contract?)

Pre-subs, Asbaghi’s tictacs seemed spot on, albeit with Vita playing up front, wide right, in a 4-2-3-1. Only Barnsley FC can take not one, but two, left sided defenders and turn them into right sided attackers. Anyway, Vita was a pest, even if he had little chance to prove his attacking ability. Wolfe again gave us some steel in midfield. Christ, he can even run with the ball, as he did on one occasion, 30 yards. I’m bored now making comparisons to his predecessors. Quina continued to threaten, and continued to hog the ball in promising positions. But he certainly presents a promise few, if any others, do. Morris battled, and deserved his reward. He’ll be a real asset in division 3. (I say this without irony.)

Oh, and no wonder we’re fighting relegation. In an interview in the programme, Adeboyejo tells us the best player he’s ever played with plays for 4th tier Leyton Orient!

Drink du jour: IPA in Spiral City. Cheers whoever got me one in.

Away: 1,074. Massive club.

Number of league games since the Super Reds went on to win a game having conceded an equaliser: 47. Another game is gone once the opposition equalise.

The Damage:
c. £35 petrol
£3 programme
£12 hat
= c. £50

The Tunes:
BBC5live

Billingham Town 1-3 Redcar Athletic, Friday 11th March 2022

Billingham Town 1-3 Redcar Athletic, Northern League Division 1, Bedford Terrace, att. 219

Another case of Friday Night Lights in the Northern League, and a second bite at the cherry for me with Billingham Town. Does it count as a groundhop if the game gets called off after an hour, as it did the other week? No such worries this evening as a decent crowd was boosted by a Boro Cabs minibus full of Redcar fans. What better evening entertainment in this neck of the woods? No programmes though, to the disappointment of one of the party (and me).

Learning from my earlier jaunt, I parked up in the club car park, a beautiful bit of tarmac formerly a mudbath, and headed for the social club, a spacious building behind the main stand. Last time, I wondered where everyone had gone at half-time. It was to here, the spacious social club, where I sank into a couch to enjoy the last-but-one bottle of Brewdog IPA. ‘We just don’t sell enough of the stuff’ the barmaid told me.

I was out in time to see the teams take to the field, as ‘Right Here, Right Now’ tickled out of the Main Stand speaker(s). Like last time, I edged slowly around the ground as the first half developed. Billingham, in all sorts of problems at the bottom of the table, were up against a lower midtable Redcar side. A chance, then. It took 6 minutes for Redcar to go ahead. It should have been two, as a Billingham throw-in put REDCAR clean through. I can see why they’re bottom.

Surprisingly, ‘Billy’ equalised on the half hour, though that was to be it as Redcar romped to 1-3 by half-time. That still didn’t stop the Town ‘ultras’, half a dozen blokes with a drum in the main stand. ‘What do you think of Synners?’ ‘S***’ ‘And what do you think of s***?’ ‘Synners.’ ‘We hate Synners and we hate Synners.’ Obviously, local rivalry with Billingham Synthonia counts for something…though perhaps too much, as talks to groundshare broke down and Synthonia currently reside across the border (the River Tees) in Stokesley, their Central Avenue ground long gone. Perhaps it’d be good for both teams if Synners returned?

The Damage:
£7 ent
£3 Punk IPA (bottle of)
= £10

The Tunes:
Whirlpool (Chapterhouse)

Barnsley 1-1 Stoke City, Tuesday 8th March 2022

‘Why he fetches ‘im on ah dunt know, cos he’s s***.’

It is the day after my dad leaves us for somewhere better and what a fitting tribute from the Super Reds, conceding an injury time equaliser to a struggling Stoke side. It’s what he would have wanted. Mind, that slightly disguises the fact injury time was 10 minutes and we were only 5 minutes in. Yet another ‘medical emergency’ in the crowd means the match has to stop halfway through the second half. WHY!!?? So people can have a good nose instead of watching play? The match going on doesn’t stop stewards and first aiders from doing their jobs, especially in the half empty (half!? We should be so lucky!) stands at Oakwell. Don’t get former St. John’s ambulance member Wadd started on this either, he’s more ranty than me!

On an attached note, let me give you a real life conundrum. Sarah’s granddad died at a football match, West Brom, heart attack. So, does her dad a) support West Brom out of loyalty to his dad b) support anybody BUT West Brom, cos it’s where his dad died (junior was 5 years old) or c) support whichever half decent team is near to where he lives? Of course, the real life Mr Turner supported Norwich (not too far from Newmarket, but by no means the nearest league team). What a time too, as the Canaries beat the likes of Bayern Munich. Fast forward 30 years and he’s moved to Lichfield, in the Burton / Derby / Brum triangle. Stick with Naarwich? Follow local side Burton? Or take on Villa cos….well, they have a bit of potential about them (and there’s a direct train to Villa Park from Lichfield). Of course it’s the latter. Nearby West Brom weren’t even considered. (He narrowed it down to Derby or Villa when they were both in the Championship. That was a lucky escape for him.)

Sorry, the Super Reds. As Farnham said, Stoke came on 3 defeats and no win in 6. Midtable, going nowhere, problies too far off the play-offs too. Absolutely ideal opposition. They’ll turn up, have no fight, and we’ll turn them over with ease. So there was only one team in it first half – Stoke. They hit the post, had a free header just wide, and a deflected shot which so wrong-footed Collins he’d have had no chance it it’d gone the other side of the post. We offered….Callum Brittain. The only Reds player to have a shot on target (a near post effort which the keeper did well to turn and get down to) and a peach of a low cross which the keeper smothered under Styles’ attention. But at least the latter ran TOWARDS the ball and PAST defenders. Nobody else up front does. For the most part, I thought Iseka had morphed into Morris. Why do we persist in hiding BEHIND defenders when crosses are about to be put in? These aren’t Sunday league defenders. They will miss the ball completely perhaps once a season*.

*unless you’re Jasper Moon. I can think of twice he’s done it in the last month. But then again, he’s not a Championship defender.

Still, half-time and we’re still in it, despite (because of!?) coach Asbaghi’s formation. Wolfe’s been dropped, we’ve gone 3 at the back (cos that’s worked all season!) and now left back Vita is playing the ‘Clarke Oduor role’ scooting about the right wing with negligible effect. I’m sure these managers think they’re geniuses, thinking of new and crazy ways to baffle the opposition fans into submission. Something strange was certainly happening, as left sided centre half Kitching appeared most prominent in attack down the left wing. Still, my favourite Reds moment came when Morris broke down the left and hooked in a cross….to the 5ft 4 Vita, marked by 2 giant centre halves and a goalkeeper.

Then we scored. Quina holds onto the ball 9 seconds, dribbles all the way along the box, before turning and doubling back, and unleashing a worldy into the top corner with his left foot. It’s QPR all over again, though rather than screaming ‘pass it’ at him, this time it was ‘PART WITH THE BALL!’ Mind, if you’d seen the rest of his performance, you’d realise why he’d given up trying to pass it. Did he lose the ball EVERY other time he had it, or just most times? He was shocking all night. Needless to say he was the official man of the match.

Then we drove forward, looking for a second, to kill the game off. Or, more accurately, we sat back and invited Stoke on, our one decent break ending with us going backwards to ensure Stoke got all their men behind the ball, before we carelessly passed it out of play. Asbaghi was in on the act too. Let’s chuck Wolfe on to shore up midfield. Or stand around with our centre halves. Let’s put Cole on to grab a goal on the break. Ah, Cole. Legend. Does any other team apart from Barnsley bring back a player who was so poor the first time that we had to give him a second chance to prove his inability? I can understand getting former ‘greats’ back…even though it usually ends in tears…but Devante Cole? Anyway, there we are, 5 minutes into injury time and I am still not sure whatthehell he was trying to do. Control it? Turn his man? He is on the edge of our f***ing box and he appears to stand on the ball with the effect he stops it dead for a Stokie to step up and welly it into the corner. Great finish, great move (!). Perhaps Cole could do this next time on the edge of THEIR box. (Note: we still need a player capable of the finish. Quina, anyone?)

One-all. I see we’re now 5 points behind Reading. It’s the hope what kills you. Win this…beat Reading at home and WE’RE ABOVE THEM (let’s ignore the other games). We didn’t. We aren’t. We won’t be. We’re going down.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Helik. Had Josh Maja in his pocket.
**Kitching. Decent defending…and our main attacking threat 2nd half
* Collins. Saved a couple of certain goals by tipping out crosses….though well done covering players for sweeping up the mess.

Official MOTM: Quina. Scored a wondergoal yet was bloody awful all night.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Helik 2. Quina 3. Collins

Despatches:
The Stoke fans obviously enjoyed the game. We scored…’you’re nothing special, we lose every week’…and a full on punch up broke out between a couple of hefty lads in the away end. Now THAT would be a reason to stop the game. Proper windmilling too, before fans and stewards dragged the pair apart. Booooo, you’re no fun.

I thought Brittain was a tad hard done to with some comments. True, he couldn’t stop a cross all game, but they usually had an overlap (as opposed to a ‘Delap’, he’s retired now). The centre halves and keeper dealt with it all though. Gomes swept up well at times, though I still preferred the formation with Wolfe in the team. Or ‘the winning formation’ as it’s called. Shirley made some clever runs and keeps the opposition defenders on their toes in a way Cole doesn’t. Morris held the ball up and without his physical presence we’d be nothing. Styles looked keen, but it either comes off or it doesn’t, and it didn’t. Quina was dreadful. He really was. Maybe coming to Oakwell is like being on the school team. He knows he’s the best player, so why pass a ball to someone who won’t know what to do with it, when he can take on 6 players (and the rest!) and rasp one into the top corner? He’s never gonna part with the ball now…

To end with a positive….I haven’t seen Benson or Palmer in weeks (months!?) and my blood pressure is coming down commensurately. I do miss being angry the entire 90 minutes though.

Oh, and although I tried, I couldn’t walk through the Alhambra (locked – I tried), or have my mates leave me behind in the pub, so no wonder we didn’t win. Just saying.

Drink du jour: Beavertown Neck Oil in the (new) Market Kitchen, the swanky dining area above the market.

Away: 1,151. 21 seconds in and ‘Barnsley’s a sh*thole, I wanna go home.’ We have a new seasonal leader! (***Stoke fans: if you ask the man at the turnstile nicely, he’ll find a steward to let you out. Tell them it is your civil right not to be held inside Oakwell against your will and you would like to return whence you came.)

Number of league games since the Super Reds went on to win a game having conceded an equaliser: 46. (Bournemouth away, last season, by my reckoning) A season’s worth.

The Damage:
c. £35 petrol
£3 programme
= c. £38

The Tunes:
BBC 6Music (background, whilst chuntering on.)