Abbey Hey 0-0 Prestwich Heys, Sunday 2nd March 2025

Abbey Hey 0-0 Prestwich Heys, Northern West Counties League Premier Division, The Abbey Stadium, att. 610

It’s the Sunday of the annual North West Counties groundhop and I’m running behind. I’ve got to pick up Kev in Ashton and then drive to Abbey Hey (wherever that is) for an 11:30am KO, so, what with putting a slow cook on, I’ve no time for breakfast. I envisage a continental breakfast at Abbey, croissants, quality coffee, etc. What I get? A sausage, halved, in a dry bun. Listen, I know it’s only £2.50, but I tell yer wot, stick another sausage in there and charge me 4 quid. Still, the hunger pangs quieten for another hour.

Kev directs us superbly through the Manchester wastelands without use of a satnav. He assures me he’s never been to Abbey Hey before. As it’s the groundhop, and we’re late, we see a parking space in a side street and go for it. Good job, as the car park inside the ground is rammed. Not that it stops a 4x4 wanting to be in. ‘Can I come in and park? He’s disabled.’ I might try that myself in future.

The ground is a basic affair. There is only one covered section, on the right touchline as you enter. There’s a mix of bench seating and standing. Behind this goal, below pitch level, is some grass with goals – ideal for the kids having a kickabout. Up a small bank is the hard standing behind the goal. To the left is the main clubhouse. As we hunt for victuals, Kev dismisses a room used as a store cupboard and we climb the stairs to the bar. No sign of food here, so we elect to wander round the pitch a little. A young lad is necking a burger. ‘Where’d you get that from?’ asks Kev. The very storeroom he’d dismissed. If he’d ventured inside, he’d have found the kiosk selling food.

The menu appears sparse, but the bloke in front is asking if there’s bacon on. I crane my neck around and see a hot plate full of sausages. Good job. I’m not one to have a burger for breakfast. (No sign of the continental breakfast, though they did have a freezer full of ice cream.) As I said, what I received was grim, but cheap, and just about edible.

The match was a bright and breezy affair, punctuated by the home manager being all shouty in his bobble hat. I guess he has to show passion, if not an understanding of the rules of football. It coulda…shoulda…been a high scoring game, with chances missed, posts hit (ok, the same post hit, twice) and both keepers making saves. However, we knew it was going to end goalless when even a penalty (for a handball the defender couldn’t possibly do anything about) was saved, late on.

Oh well. I’ll have to go back. 2 sausages, and a fresh roll, please.

The Damage:
£7 ent
£2.50 sausage sandwich
= £9.50

*The crowd of over six hundred was their 2nd highest of the season after the visit of Bury, which shows the advantage of being part of the Groundhop.